17 Rules For Visiting a New Mum

17 Rules For Visiting a New Mum

We all know what it’s like. Your best friend just had her first baby and you can’t wait to meet the new arrival. But you’re a bit stuck. What’s the protocol for visiting a new mum? Should you wait for a set period of time before you go round? Will you have to change a nappy if you visit? What if the baby is sick all over you? How long should you stay? For sure, there are lots of things to consider before, and during, a visit to a new mum. These 17 Rules for Visiting a New Mum, do not answer all of the above questions, but they do offer some guidance, protocol if you like, for what is, and what is definitely not, acceptable behaviour when visiting a new mum.

Your bestie will thank you later.

I’m so sorry!

17 Rules For Visiting a New Mum

I cringe when I remember how inconsiderate I used to be when visiting new mum friends. My main reason for making the visit was clear: baby cuddles! I mean, newborn babies are soooo sweet aren’t they? It’s that knockout combination of how cute and tiny they are, the adorable outfits they wear, and oh, that baby smell! They’re divine!

I had no sense of awe or admiration for what my mum friend had just accomplished. I was enchanted by the sweet new addition, but I was oblivious to what her body had just been through, or how she might be feeling as a result of that trauma.

Fast forward to 2019.

Now, I’m a mummy myself, incredibly blessed with two gorgeous little girls of my own. I realised very soon after bring my eldest, Zoe home from the hospital, that a lot of the things I had done (or neglected to do), when visiting new mum friends were totally unacceptable.

I mean, did I actually go round someone’s house who had just given birth and let them make me a cup of tea? Did I ask lots of inappropriate questions about the labour? Did I totally forego offering to do the washing up or help in any way? Guilty as charged.

I sucked!

I didn’t know there were unwritten rules for visiting a new mum, and it showed.

I’m so sorry to all my mum friends, and family, who had to put up with my visit/s. You were incredible gracious. I’m sure you probably breathed a huge sigh of relief when I finally left you and your precious baby, in peace. Which I didn’t do quickly enough, and probably overstayed my welcome as well. Sorry again.

The good, the bad and the ugly

I’ve had a lot of ‘new baby’ visitors over the last few years since my girls arrived. I’ve experienced these visits from a completely different perspective now I’ve been on the receiving end. My eyes have been opened, and I can now see very clearly what is helpful, and what is definitely not so helpful, when it comes to visiting a new mum.

There is a definite etiquette when it comes to visiting new mothers. Or at least there should be. A helpful guide that lays out what behaviour constitutes a blessing, and what is a nuisance. A list of rules for numpties like me, completely clueless and in need of some gentle direction.

A good friend of mine recently had her first baby. I was so excited to meet her daughter. I knew what an amazing job she had done carrying her baby for 9 months and then bringing her into the world. The struggles, the sleepless nights, the joy. She rocks! And I couldn’t wait to meet the little person that I had loved since I knew of her existence.

This time however, I took on board all the good, the bad and the ugly things I had experienced from visitors when I was a new mum. I was still excited to meet the little beauty, but my focus had changed. My primary concern was now centred around how I could be a blessing to my friend. There would be plenty of time for cuddles later.

17 Rules For Visiting a New Mum.

17 Rules For Visiting a New Mum

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1) Don’t just turn up

If you’re planning on going to visit a new mum and her baby, you should always pre-arrange your visit. NEVER just turn up. EVER!!!

This means you should CALL or TEXT one of the parents beforehand to find out when, (or even if), a visit might work for them.

Top Tip: I would recommend sending a text rather than calling because then the mum can reply when she’s not in the middle of feeding, changing or putting her baby down. Or sleeping! You may have to be patient.

You should time your visit to fit around the new baby’s schedule, whatever that may be. Even if this is slightly inconvenient for you, or the train times you’re relying on. It’s not fair, or kind, to expect a new baby to adapt to your schedule. It should always be the other way around.

Remember that in those very early days after the birth, there are quite a few health visitor and midwife visits taking place. The last thing you want to do is turn up just as the midwife is checking your friend’s stitches, or helping the baby latch on properly to the breast.

Some things you just can’t un-see!

17 Rules For Visiting a New Mum

Timing is everything

Whilst we’re on the subject of timing your visit, the hospital is probably not the best time or place to visit your friend and meet her baby. The first 24 hours are pretty special moments for new parents to bond with their baby. This is their time. They will never get these moments back again. They’re sacred. Having a visitor could feel quite intrusive at this time. Better to wait until they’re back on home turf again.

Finally, don’t be offended if your friend doesn’t want a visit. She’s not trying to be unkind. You have no idea what she has just been through, or what she’s currently going through. She may not be in the right frame of mind to entertain. Even if you are her BFF. Give her some space.

2) If you’re visiting, you’re helping

Which leads me nicely onto my next point. If you’re fortunate enough to get the green light to go and visit the new mum, you’re there to help!

17 Rules For Visiting a New Mum

But be sensitive about how you help. Don’t comment on how messy the house it. Remember that her whole life has just been turned on it’s head, in a good way, but nonetheless, straightening out her home probably isn’t that high on her to do list right now. She doesn’t need to be reminded that it needs a good tidy up.

If she offers you a drink or some food, politely decline. Do not sit down and then let the new mum wait on you!! Got it?

Here are a few suggestions of things you COULD do that would be helpful:

  • Make the new mum (and Dad) a drink, and/or some food
  • Do some washing up
  • Put some laundry on
  • Load or unload the dishwasher
  • Play with the toddler
  • Hang some washing out
  • Tidy up, but without implying a mess
  • Check on any flowers in vases, and make sure they have enough water/change water if necessary (see point 11 below)
  • Let her take a shower or a nap whilst you watch the baby
  • Clear away any wrapping paper or envelopes or any other gift paraphernalia

Crucially, before you leave, make sure any cups or plates that have been used while you’re there, have been washed up. Leaving behind a pile of dishes that need to be cleaned is not cool. Think about how your presence is affecting the new parents, and make sure you leave the home in a better state than you found it.

Post C Section

Finally, as a mum who had an unplanned, emergency C Section with my second daughter, I can’t stress enough how much I totally relied on the goodwill of others. Especially after Alex returned to work from paternity leave and I was left all alone with a new baby and a toddler whilst still recovering from major surgery.

Friends and family who came round to help me with the dinner/bedtime fun and games, were actual angels in my eyes. I’m super grateful for every single one of them.

Don’t underestimate the power of holding a baby for an hour while the mum puts the toddler to bed, or sitting with a toddler and supervising dinner, while mum is pinned to the sofa breastfeeding the new arrival. Something so simple on your part, can make a huge difference to the mum.

Thank you friends!!!

3) Think before you speak

17 Rules For Visiting a New Mum

Emotions run very high in a new baby house. It’s the combination of complete physical exhaustion, the endless worry about a million different things and all the hormones which are yet to stabilise. So you need to be wise with your words during your visit.

When my immediate family came to visit a couple of days after Zoe was born, my sister casually asked me, “so how was it?” “It” being the labour. The resulting sobbing was all the answer she needed. I could barely get out the words, “it was awful.” My emotional reaction had more to do with the fact it was day three after birth, a day renown for ‘baby blues,’ than my aversion to to the question. But it shows that in those early days new mums are very sensitive.

Top Tip: If you’re visiting on day three, take chocolate and tissues with you!

All that being said, there are some definite things you SHOULD and SHOULDN’T say on your visit to a new mum*:

*These may not apply to every new mum. For example, a good friend of mine was perfectly happy to discuss her labour story when asked about it, whereas I struggled to think about it so close to the event. All mums are different. You know your friend, I don’t. Just be sensitive and follow her lead.

Do Not:

  • Talk about how tired YOU are
  • Point out how exhausted she looks
  • Bring up the subject of the labour
  • Ask if/when she’s going to have another baby
  • Comment on her baby weight, either by asking about her plans to lose it, or the fact she still looks 5 months pregnant
  • Say “you’re breastfeeding right?” This assumption implies that if she’s not breastfeeding for any reason, she’s got it wrong. She’s probably feeling bad about this already!
  • Tell her to ‘enjoy every minute’ or talk about the miracle of life or how she must be so in love with her new baby*
  • Emotionally unload on her, she’s got enough on her mind as it is

*It is generally assumed that as soon as the new baby is placed into the arms of the new mummy, there is an instant rush of love. This isn’t always the case. Sometimes, for any number of reasons, it’s not a spontaneous response.

Do

  • Congratulate her on the arrival of her new bundle of joy
  • Tell her she did an amazing job bringing the baby into the world.
  • Remind her how beautiful she is
  • Coo over how cute her baby is
  • Ask her what you can do to help, and then insist on it when she’s too polite to give you an actual job to do
  • Tell her you can leave at any time, and you won’t be offended when she wants you to leave (see point 8)
  • Offer to hold the baby while she naps, or showers, or does whatever she wants to
  • Say “I’d be delighted to change this dirty nappy for you. You can sit this one out.”

4) Take food with you

17 Rules For Visiting a New Mum

The day I came home from the hospital with Zoe, my amazing mother in law popped round with a freshly cooked chicken casserole! Actual lifesaver! Her primary objective in coming round, was not to coo over the new baby, or ask lots of questions, or have baby cuddles, it was to bring us some food!

And after a day and a half in hospital, a home cooked meal, (cooked by someone else) was just what the doctor ordered.

If you’re going to visit a new mum, take food with you. It could be a meal (check beforehand if there’s anything they would particularly like, or if there’s anything they don’t eat), or simply some cake or ice cream or a fruit basket. Maybe even her favourite chocolate, or biscuits.

But absolutely take food.

When you take it round, think about the container it’s stored in. Disposable is better because it can just be thrown away or even better, recycled after use. If this isn’t possible, just tell the mum she doesn’t need to wash the container up, and you’ll pop back to pick it up sometime (saving her the trip).

Cake can put in a tupperware container, so that it can be kept airtight in between binge sessions.

As per point 2, when you leave make sure there aren’t crumbs everywhere, or food packaging that needs to be cleared away. Ensure anything that needs to go in the fridge or freezer has been put away (by you). Put the fruit in the fruit bowl, and the biscuits or cake in the cupboard.

Yes, bring food, but don’t make the house messier in the process. That’s not a blessing.

5) Give mum some privacy whilst she has to feed

Breast feeding a baby is not easy!

For me personally, this was probably the most stressful part of early motherhood. Challenges with latching, having a super sleepy baby who just didn’t want to wake up and feed, not being sure if she was feeding properly and therefore getting enough milk, and the toe curling agony of it all, made it a pretty stressful experience. The last thing I wanted, or needed, was an audience whilst this circus was unfolding.

At first, I used to delay feeding my baby until visitors had left. This wasn’t good for either my new baby, or for me. But I didn’t feel comfortable breast feeding whilst visitors sat around watching. I also needed to give breastfeeding my undivided attention for it to ‘work’. I couldn’t do this whilst making conversation with visitors.

My husband was very perceptive and would drop hints, or just directly ask visitors to leave if he knew it was time to feed. [Lifesaver!] Other times, I would go and feed upstairs just to get some privacy.

That was quite lonely.

Give her some space

If you’re visiting a new mum, chances are, she’s not a ‘natural’ at this breastfeeding malarkey either. Give her some space. This is the perfect opportunity to clear away those cups and plates, put some food away, do some washing up or generally make yourself useful in some way that gets you out of the way for a bit.

Also, this could take a while, so maybe when you’ve done some jobs to help around the house, it’s time to make your excuses and leave. And you should insist on it.

Later on, when she’s a bit more confident feeding her baby, and it’s no longer a cause of stress, it might be a different story. Like me, once she gets the hang of it, she might be perfectly happy with you being around while she discreetly feeds her baby. But not at the beginning.

This is also true for mums that bottle feed. Establishing good feeding routines is crucial in those early days and weeks. The less distractions at this time, the better!

6) Be sensitive about baby holding

17 Rules For Visiting a New Mum

Top Tip: Always wash your hands before holding a new baby!

When I became a mum for the first time, I would carry Zoe around like she was a fragile porcelain doll that could break at any moment. I was nervous to change her clothes because I was convinced that one of her limbs would snap off whilst I tried to get it into an arm or leg hole.

Three years on, I can proudly declare that all her limbs are still in tact and there have been no casualties along the way. Yay!

I’m sure I’m not the first mum who felt this protective of her new baby. And I definitely won’t be the last.

Mumma bear

So be careful when you’re holding her little treasure. Like a protective mumma bear, she may watch you like a hawk and hover whilst you cuddle. Giving instructions to you about how to support the head, or what position the baby likes best. Even if you know what you’re doing, you should listen to her. For your own safety.

Be aware that the baby might get unsettled or over stimulated if she’s passed around too much. If this happens, it’s probably time to pass her back to mummy. Even if you haven’t had your turn cuddling the newbie yet. Sorry, there’s always next time.

Don’t forget that the new mummy is still bonding with her baby, and is probably enjoying all her baby cuddles too. She might not want to share her new baby with too many visitors. On the other hand, she might be only too happy for someone else to hold the baby for a bit. She’s probably been holding the baby 24/7 since birth and might be quite happy and relieved to have a break.

Finally, it’s kind of obvious, but don’t wake up a sleeping baby for a cuddle. Doh.

7) Remember the toddler (and other children)

It can be quite an unsettling time for a toddler when a new baby gets added to the family.

They no longer have their mum’s undivided attention, and suddenly all these people are coming round, making a fuss over the baby, bringing gifts, wanting cuddles.

It’s easy to see how a toddler could feel very unsettled by all these changes, and slightly pushed out or overlooked in all the excitement of the new baby.

One thing that really blessed me as a mum the second time round, was all the people who bought Zoe little gifts when they came to visit Sophia. And they didn’t have to be big things. Some of her favourite and most treasured gifts included a pack of princess hairbands and a bouncy ball. Just the fact that someone had thought about her was lovely. And Zoe really enjoyed getting some of the attention and fuss as well. It made her feel loved and valued at an unsettling time for her.

If you’re bringing a gift for the new baby, consider bringing something small for the toddler as well.

Also, if you’re visiting a new mum, give the toddler a lot of attention while you’re there. Play with the toddler, talk to the toddler, give the toddler lots of cuddles. The baby won’t remember all the cuddles, but the toddler will.

And the mum will definitely remember, and be very grateful to you for showering her toddler with love and attention.

8) Be aware of how long you stay

Or to put it another way, don’t overstay your welcome!

17 Rules For Visiting a New Mum

If the new mum is anything like I was, she will probably be too polite to ask you to leave when she’s tired or needs a break from entertaining. (See point 5 on breastfeeding).

They say that as a new mum you should nap when the baby naps. In those early days, this is really important because the baby is waking up a lot in the night, and the new mum is also still recovering from the labour. But it’s really hard to nap when you have a visitor sitting on your sofa. A visitor who has come all this way to see you, brought a delicious cake and a super cute outfit for the baby. It’s rude to ask them to leave, right?

Wrong.

It isn’t rude at all, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to ask you to leave. It’s up to you as the visitor to be sensitive.

How do you know if it’s time to leave?

Ask yourself these questions to try and determine whether it’s time for you to leave:

  • Is the baby napping? Maybe the mum would like to shut her eyes for a bit
  • Is the baby hungry? Maybe the mum would like some privacy to feed
  • Is the baby screaming her sweet little head of? Maybe the mum would like some space to try to comfort her baby, without worrying that you think she’s a terrible mum for not instinctively knowing what’s wrong with the baby or how to ‘fix it’
  • Is mum just tired from all the reams for visitors she’s been having? Maybe she’d appreciate a little quiet time with her family

If you think it’s time to leave, make your excuses and go.

Don’t put it on her by saying, “I can see you’re tired, I should be going.” Don’t make her feel guilty that you’re going, and don’t give her the option to be polite and insist you don’t need to leave. Just make your excuses and get out of there.

She’ll thank you later, when she’s emerged from the newborn haze.

Or maybe she wont. In her sleep deprived state, not knowing what day of the week it is, or even who she is, she may not even remember that you stopped by. And that’s OK too.

9) Before you visit, ask her if there’s anything you can pick up for her

17 Rules For Visiting a New Mum

New mums don’t get out of the house very much. Not in those early days and weeks anyway. But that doesn’t mean they don’t need things. Even if it’s just something small, like a pint of milk or loaf of bread. A good friend of mine asked if I could pick up a birthday cake for her husband as he turned 30 a few days after their daughter arrived. I was very happy to be able to do something so very practical to help.

In those early days, Alex would pop out if there was something we needed urgently. Like when we had to give Sophia formula top ups in between feeds, and needed a steriliser that was more gentle than our steam steriliser.

(We got this Milton steriliser).

I also sent him to get some gross over the bump maternity knickers! As I had an unexpected C Section and needed some underwear that was soft and would go over the incision. What a trouper, walking around the underwear section to pick up some big knickers for me!

Other times, if it was something more general, like food, we’d ask whichever visitor we had coming that day to pick it up on their way round. It saved Alex a trip out, which is good because I was kind of depending on him to keep everything running around the house.

So, before you pop round, ask her if there’s anything you can pick up for her before you come. Chances are there will be something and she will be very happy to accept your offer.

10) Stay away if you’re sick

17 Rules For Visiting a New Mum

It sort of goes without saying that if you’re feeling unwell, you should stay away from a new mum and baby. When my good friend had her first baby recently, I had to cancel my planned visit a couple of weeks in a row because I had a nasty cold that I just couldn’t shake. I was disappointed because I had been looking forward to catching up with the mum and seeing how she was in lieu of her daughter’s arrival. But I had to wait. And I’m glad I did.

New mums are already pretty tired from getting up every few hours in the night (if they’re lucky). And feeding round the clock. And mentally adjusting to having somebody so dependant on her for every single thing. The last thing she needs is to catch your cold. Or to have a poorly baby so young. *Sob*

Do you really want to be the reason that the newborn baby gets her first cold? She can’t even take calpol until she’s two months old.

So please, if you’re feeling unwell on the day of your visit, stay away. Thank you, on behalf of mothers worldwide.

11) Take a plant, not flowers

17 Rules For Visiting a New Mum

Alex and I really struggle to keep things alive in this house, children excluded.

In my opinion, potted plants are easier to look after than flowers. Plants don’t need to be cut at the stems. They don’t require a vase, and their water doesn’t need to be changed every day. They don’t need to be arranged in a certain way to look nice. And they don’t need constant, daily monitoring to ensure the water hasn’t run low, or there aren’t dead leaves or flower heads floating in the water. They tend to come in a pot that is all ready, and can be put on the side.

Done.

If you must take flowers, consider taking a vase with you, or at the very least, when you arrive put said flowers in a vase, fill it with water, throw away any packaging etc. Equally, if you must take flowers, don’t be offended if they’re dead next time you visit. A new mum and dad are very busy and overwhelmed – keeping flowers alive doesn’t feature very highly on their list of priorities. No matter how beautiful the they are.

Surrounded by dead flowers

When we had Zoe, we had so many flowers either brought round or delivered that our home looked like a florist. And don’t get me wrong, they were very beautiful, but they did stress me out a bit. Every time flowers arrived, we had to find a vase, trim them down, add the plant feed, add the water, and then try to find a surface to put them on.

Then once they died, which inevitably happened very soon afterwards, it took ages for us to get around to throwing them away, which meant we were surrounded by dead flowers for a while. We appreciated the gesture very much so, but when we had Sophia, we specifically asked for no flowers.

Much easier.

12) Don’t give advice (unless asked)

Unless the new mum asks for your opinion, there’s no need to offer it.

If you’re a healthcare provider, or have successfully raised a family of Von Trapps yourself, the chances are, a new mum might have a couple of questions for you. But this has to come from her.

Unsolicited advice, can feel very intrusive and judgemental in those early sleep deprived days. (See point 3, think before you speak). A new mum already feels like she doesn’t really know what she’s doing, and may be feeling stressed out by everything. Even if she isn’t feeling like this, a constant barrage of advice from [very] well meaning friends and family can get a little annoying after a while. And undermine her abilities as a mum.

She has to find her own path, and her own way of doing things that work for her and her family. And she will. Even without your suggestions. And trust me, she knows where to find you if she wants your advice on something, and any advice you give will be much better received if it is given upon request. Rather than being forced upon her.

13) Avoid taking your young kids with you when you visit

When a new mum brings her baby home from hospital, everything feels a little chaotic for a while. There is stuff everywhere, presents that still need to be unwrapped, a hospital bag waiting to be unpacked, baby stuff on every surface. In short, it’s messy.

Toddlers and young children come with their own entourage of stuff. They knock things over, spill drinks and bring noise. Which in turn contributes to the mess and disturbs the sleeping baby. If at all possible, find a time when you’re able to visit without a troop of children with you. This way you can give the new mum and her baby your full attention, which is why you came to visit in the first place, right?

14) Don’t share pictures of the new mum and her baby on social media

17 Rules For Visiting a New Mum

It should go without saying that you should never share any pictures of children on social media without the parents’ consent first. Those early baby snaps are so so cute! If you do take any pictures while you’re there, the best thing you can do with them is to forward them to the mum to do with as she wishes.

If she wants to make your gorgeous photo her Facebook profile picture, that’s up to her. It’s not photo to share.

15) Check before bringing round bags of second hand baby clothes, or other baby items

We have been so so blessed to be recipients of baby clothes that our friends’ and family’s girls have outgrown. And I’m not talking about ugly, unwanted cast offs. I’m talking about really nice, good condition cute clothes. I’m so grateful.

The best time to give a new mum a bag of second hand clothes, is before the baby arrives. The mum is probably busy getting ready for new arrival anyway (it’s called ‘nesting’), making sure she has everything she needs and cleaning everywhere before the new arrival enters. It’s the perfect opportunity to sift through bags of clothes, returning anything she doesn’t want, or giving it to charity, and making sure anything she decides to keep is washed and ready for use.

Once the baby arrives, time disappears into a black hole, never to be found again. And as grateful as she probably is to receive all your lovely second hand items, finding time to actually go through it all and sort it out, is no easy feat.

Instead, these bags are likely to sit unattended for quite some time, until she eventually has the time and head space to start organising them. That’s why I would recommend checking first.

Otherwise what’s intended as a blessing, may not feel that way.

16) Don’t forget about the parents

17 Rules For Visiting a New Mum

In all your excitement to meet the little bundle of joy, don’t forget about the parents.

You know, those friends of yours who are welcoming you into their home, eager to introduce you to their sweet addition. They’re so excited for you to meet their little angel. The fact that you’re invited into their home at all shows that they consider you to be an important person in their lives. You should be honoured.

So don’t forget to ask them how they are. And not as a cursory, “hey, how are you?” kind of way. Actually care what the answer is and take the time to check in with them and make sure everything is OK.

They’re not there simply to pass the baby to you, answer questions about the baby, take pictures of you holding the baby, and make you a drink while you enjoy cuddles. (Seriously, get your own drink – if you’re close enough to get an invitation to meet the new baby, you don’t need to stand on ceremony now. You know where the kettle is. And while you’re there, make the parents a drink too, they’re thirsty!)

They want to celebrate their new arrival WITH YOU.

Of course, you’re there to admire, coo over and fall in love with the little miracle they created. That’s to be expected, and trust me, as new parents, that’s what they want. But don’t forget about them in the process. They’re not obsolete. Don’t ignore them!

Daddy, you’re a rockstar

Finally, spare a thought for the Dad. They get missed a lot. Everyone, from the midwifes and healthcare professionals onwards are all geared up to look after the mum and baby, for obvious reasons. But the Dads also deserve a pretty big shout out in all this.

Alex was a rockstar in my opinion. I don’t know how I could have gone through labour without his active support throughout. He too was exhausted from having no sleep, but then he brought us home, and made sure we were comfortable, putting us first in every instance, and running the household while we slept.

Alex was the one who did all the laundry, washing up, and nappy changes (in those early days). He made all the little trips out of the house to pick up the bits we needed and would walk around downstairs for hours trying to get baby to sleep, while I slept upstairs.

Never complaining.

If that’s not a rockstar, I don’t know what is. And I’m sure he’s not the only rockstar Daddy either. They deserve your consideration as well. He counts. It wasn’t just the mum who just had her life turned upside down. I’m sure he’d love to talk to you about it, if you would just ask.

17) It’s not all about you

At the end of each of these other rules for visiting a new mum, I could have added the line, ‘remember, it’s not all about you.’ If you can remember this, you’re already halfway there to a successful visit.

Remembering that you’re there to help not simply to coo over the adorable baby, that you plan your visit for a time that is convenient for the mum and baby, when you’re feeling healthy and child-free, taking with you a nice home cooked meal, and whatever else the mum might want you to pick up on your way round, and that you don’t overstay your welcome or speak out of turn. By doing these things, you’re putting the parent’s needs above your own desires.

By following these 17 rules for visiting a new mum, your mum friend will be more likely to invite you back for another visit. Rather than just tick you off the list of visitors they had to endure, so they can get back to mum life in peace.

Mums want to make their life easier, not harder, and you have the choice of whether you contribute to the ease she’s looking for, or bring the stress she’s trying to avoid. I recommend the former.

17 Rules For Visiting a New Mum

A reformed friend

So there you have it, my 17 Rules For Visiting A New Mum. I started off by telling you how wrong I used to get it and how completely clueless I used to be. Maybe you can identify with that a little too well. The good news is, if I can change, you can too. And change we must if we want to be invited back.

If you don’t have children, maybe some of these rules were revelatory to you. That’s OK. I hope they’re helpful as you plan future visits to mum friends and family.

Or maybe your feet are firmly in the mum camp. Reading through these 17 rules for visiting a new mum, did I miss anything? Is there anything else you’d want to tell prospective visitors before they go and see new parents? Do you have any horror stories of visitors who like me, were completely awful when they visited you as a new mum?

I’d love to hear from you, so please leave a comment below.

Take care and speak soon

xx Hannah

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2 thoughts on “17 Rules For Visiting a New Mum”

  1. This is great. I would love it if more people thought of these things before going to visit new moms. I’m having my first baby in the next few months and am honestly most stressed thinking about the inconsiderate visitors that will be showing up. To help our sanity, we will be taking the first week back at home to ourselves and not allowing visitors those days. They can wait till my husband and I and our new baby have settled in and have gotten in somewhat of a routine. I love your list! I’ll be sharing it on Pinterest for more people to read!!

    1. Hannah Cleater

      Hi Megan,

      Thanks so much for your comments. So great to hear from you!

      That’s so exciting that you’re expecting your first baby soon! These are fantastic days ahead. Tiring, but great!!

      Do you know if you’re having a boy or a girl?

      I’m really glad you found these points helpful. Feel free to pass them on to your friends and family as a subtle hint that you’d like them to bring food and help out when they eventually come to visit. 😉

      xx

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